i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
