i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
