Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
