apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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