Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
