Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
