Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
