The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
