i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
