If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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