we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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