Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
