mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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