Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
