Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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