Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i used baking grease as lip gloss
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
