and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
