so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
