whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
