While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Two words: blizzard sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
