jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
