apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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