My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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