Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
