Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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