I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
