nutella sex= disaster
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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