why didn't you poke me back
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
