I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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