someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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