Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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