You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
