Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Plan B is the new Plan A
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
