God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
