it's too hot outside to masturbate.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
