Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
