So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
