Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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