Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
