is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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