She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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