why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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