long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
