I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how drunk are you?
Several
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
