It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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