We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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