I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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