ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
