It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
