Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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