she woke up with a sticky ear
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
