So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
