I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just puked most of my soul out..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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