He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
